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humditydum

Life, truly, is simple. But- and there's always that but- I guess we just can't settle for that. I'm tired, but not sleepy. This never happens. What am I? Confused, frustrated, screwed up in my head?

Angry?

I was told, once, by someone, that I am mature, because I have the ability to let things- that which truly does not matter- slide. I'm not supposed to worry about all this high school drama. Because, yeah, all this stuff? Not gonna matter not too long from now. I thought I was the kind of guy who was immune to these things, to just let them be simple.

Bah.

So much for that. I'm drained. I confuse myself. It's frustrating to know that what I'm afraid of, what I'm convincing myself of, what I am petrified is going to happen to me, it's frustrating to know that I don't need to be afraid, even though I am.

Self-awareness is not the road to peace. Because I'm one of the most self-aware people I know. And it just doesn't help.

I do things, I think things, I don't understand. I blame it on myself. Is it all my fault? All of it? Probably not. But I have to ask myself. "Self," I says, "What is your problem? Do you have to invite problems into your life?"

Note, here, that I speak not of actual problems, like failing math class or facing torture and death at the hands of a domination-sadistic madman, which offer me surprisingly little stress and/or angst. I speak only of social problems, problems interacting with the people I know and love.

I'm angry. I don't know what to say. And when I do my best to say it, I'm pretty sure I screwed it up. Sometimes, people just don't listen. Sometimes, people just don't care.

I'm in love. But I lack the confidence to believe that anyone could love me back. I constantly am afraid that someone will steal her away, and in my mind, it's driving a wedge between me and my (male) friends. Why do I do this? I believe her when she tells me not to worry. I believe in and trust my friends. Why am I so afraid?

Because, I'm not as mature as I thought. I'm a little boy on a swing set, crying for his mommy because he doesn't know how to stop.

Hush, little baby, don't you cry, momma's gonna give you eternal life*BLAM*

yea i didn't write this, but it pretty much sums it up